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T-5 Days

 Four days to surgery tomorrow. The countdown begins in earnest? I'm definitely getting more antsy and wishing time to go by faster! Especially since my resolve to follow my pre-op diet explicitly is weakening.  I read and saw the information from people who've had surgery, saying they're "tired" of just drinking protein shakes or desperately wanting something to chew. I'm not sure that's where I am, but I definitely want something to eat! The casserole I made last night. Pizza, doughnuts, candy, a sub sandwich, anything that I can't have. At one point, I pondered if someone near getting Covid would be so bad... because my surgery would be delayed and I could eat again!  Horrible isn't it? I'm not even that hungry. This is how I know that I won't lose weight without the surgery. I've barely made it two weeks! I know I'm in an extreme restriction phase that isn't sustainable, but in the past, it's always been like this. Succe
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6 Days to Go to Gastric Bypass

 Really, it's 5 and a half, given that half of this day is over. I'm not as nervous as I was before I started the pre-op diet. Maybe it's the lack of calories fogging my brain or maybe it's that I've done this diet for 9 days, turning down multiple opportunities to engage in some unhealthy food. Or maybe I'm just ignoring everything in a rush to get things ready for after surgery. The preparation has resulted in shopping and cleaning. I'm really hoping that I won't be one of those people who have a lot of pain or are very weak. But if I am, I'll be ready.  At least, with everything I can be ready with - there are so many unknowns that I can't prepare for... will I drink enough? Will I be able to get around ok? Will I be able to choke down the protein shakes? Is there any way to really prepare for something so unknown?
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All The World Is Water

 It's day 4 of the pre-op diet. I'm not really having any problems with it, but if I didn't have this deadline and serious consequences looming, I doubt I would stick to it. Especially the day that everyone brought donuts into the office. There were so many, that leftovers lasted for two full days. Even now, a stack of temptations sits on my desk... the giver refused to be put off. That's a little crazy, isn't it? That someone would demand to give you food!? My daily calorie intake is less than 1000. My water has only been around 40 oz... I just can not drink 64 oz. and not be running to the restroom every 10 minutes. It's insane how many trips I take now, especially in the afternoon! 11 days until my surgery. On the one hand, it seems so far away, but on the other, it's really not. Right now, I have so many other things going on that I just can't even think about it. The day before, I may be a basket case and think about canceling. But I can't - I h
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Remember When

 Remember when blogs were the most popular thing online? Before social media, staged perfection and 30-second videos got a stranglehold on society and people stopped being interested in reality? I miss those days.  Those days when I thought, if I just buckle down and get some kind of consistency, I'll lose the extra weight - without resorting to disordered behavior.  In 40 years, it's never happened.  The lowest I've ever been is "overweight". Now I'm "obese III", which used to be called "morbidly obese" - I don't know when it changed, but maybe that term was too hurtful to some people. Let me just say that this is not where I want to be. It's not what I want to always be reminded of. It's not the path I want to go down. Next month, I will have gastric bypass surgery. You know which one - the one for really fat people. I'm a really fat person, who just seems to get fatter as time goes by. I'm worried about having surgery
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