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Remember When

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 Remember when blogs were the most popular thing online? Before social media, staged perfection and 30-second videos got a stranglehold on society and people stopped being interested in reality? I miss those days.  Those days when I thought, if I just buckle down and get some kind of consistency, I'll lose the extra weight - without resorting to disordered behavior.  In 40 years, it's never happened. 

The lowest I've ever been is "overweight". Now I'm "obese III", which used to be called "morbidly obese" - I don't know when it changed, but maybe that term was too hurtful to some people. Let me just say that this is not where I want to be. It's not what I want to always be reminded of. It's not the path I want to go down.

Next month, I will have gastric bypass surgery. You know which one - the one for really fat people. I'm a really fat person, who just seems to get fatter as time goes by. I'm worried about having surgery. So many worries... 

  1. Will I die?
  2. Will I be in pain?
  3. Will I be able to follow the diet rules?
  4. Will I be able to go back to work on time?
  5. Will I be able to make it to the bathroom in time? 
  6. Will I be peeing all day long?
  7. Will I have noxious gas at my job?
  8. Will I try to self-sabotage?
There is a lot of unknowns. And a lot of thinking to do.



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